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I live 1800 miles from all of my direct family, I have our entire marriage of almost 16 years. My family really doesn’t know my husband, they refuse to come here and we only have been there a handful of times in our marriage. Yet they all have their opinions, they’re entires to them, but they also have given him no credit for being sober for over a year and a half now. Our immediate family and our marriage is doing better than it has in years, but yet they still don’t know or even care to ask.

My mother just gave this lame excuse to me about a friend from high school asking how I was and she said “I didn’t want to tell them about your situation”. What situation, that my husband had a drinking problem, I made him choose me or alcohol and he choose me and has been sober since, I think that is a good thing, not a bad thing!

Too often, we don’t share our problems and we put in a face that everything is ok… I think by doing so, it gives other people in their marriages to think “we” have no struggles in our marriages. Not that all the dirty laundry should be aired out, but truth is important, it helps others know life isn’t perfect and life including married life, we have to work for, great lives & marriages are never given for free, it’s hard work every day and sacrifice! I know some spouses may not have chosen to keep their marriage and family over their addiction before it was too late, I’m lucky mine did, but it’s still work and determination and sacrifice, but mostly work.

I hope this helps someone, that’s struggling in some of the same positions of sobriety….

Since getting sober my husband has been very dedicated to the gym. I’ve never been one for athleticism, but I watch my weight with counting calories the best I can because sweets are definitely my downfall in life.

In December I started lifting with him and it was really good for our relationship. I started a new job and it made it harder to meet him at the gym. However this past week he has decided to go in the morning before work.

This morning I decided to go with him, it was really nice to get back in the routine. I think he enjoys it as well and it is some thing for him and I without the kids that is positive and motivating. That used to be drinking for us and obviously that cannot be any more. Sometimes finding a place that will help us grow together there’s more difficult then it used to be when we were younger. I do feel better after going to the gym and the positivity that reflects our relationship after being at the gym it’s great to.

I think it’s important as we struggle in the sobriety as a couple and as a family to find those new ways to engage our relationship with one another. It is still tough sometimes. Sometimes the day to day is overwhelming, it seems like more for me than him, but it’s also hard for me to disengage in the battles for our souls and be selfish to myself. I want to badly to fix everything and do right by everyone especially those closest to me, where I see him be able to have no emotion towards it and focus on what he needs solely. He says it’s important for sobriety, but if I fail my children, then what will I tell God one day when he asks why I didn’t raise His children’s in His ways better. How does the balance become, how does it begin to exist with only one parent striving for the best success in all aspects for our children. The recovery from this monster of alcoholism we let creep into our lives, is just as hard as the day to day of living with an alcoholic, it feels unbearable at times….

With my husband a full blown alcoholic, me trying to work full time, go to school for my masters and raise the kids the best I can in the day to day crazy that comes along with alcoholism, my once innocent little sweet daughter became a dating teenager. The first boy friend dad actually approved of and encouraged the relationship, until it began the teen cycle of only wanting to be with each other and no one else and then teen boy friend girlfriend fighting and breaking up and getting back together, the drama was too much for him.

We overlooked teen sex with the second boy friend, we were both engulfed in this toxic alcoholism that was eating our family from the inside out. We believed we had set rules and boundaries that protected Sally from being in a spot she even had to say no or yes… we were wrong. She came to us because she believed she was pregnant, a month after my husband came home from rehab, so only 2 months sober. She wasn’t but we then locked down all the rules for her until we could decide the correct route to take.

In my anger with Sally at one point I asked her why was it so easy for you to find a pregnancy test but yet all the places that offer free birth control and guidance for teens, you couldn’t fine one of those behind our back… I later realized I should be asking myself this question, why was she more aware of where and how to get a pregnancy test then she was birth control, it’s my job to teach her and I failed her by expecting this child that was living in chaos at home with an alcoholic father, to abstain from sex because I said so, what year am I living in.

After a long process of having her get birth control, discussing decisions with her and still enforcing boundaries and rules, a year later we are all in a better place. Sally thought at first that since now she had birth control there would be no rules for boy friends, but boundaries were still in place. When the second boy broke up with her, it was hard for her and recovery emotionally has been hard especially with COVID and all the rules the states and government has/had. We all made it through and dad is still sober and we are all closer.

Sally has a boy she’s talking to and we are trying to find a balance of where the boundaries are placed to not hinder our growth, but keep a healthy life style fir Madison and her entire world not be wrapped around one guy. As my husband and I navigate through what this looks like, our views are very different and coming to that middle ground is hard at times in this situation.

With Sally being an online student and working, her normal growth as a teen is different right now. She hasn’t always been online, this is new due to the pandemic, but it still has to be addressed so she doesn’t isolate herself again for a boy.

What does the number of days a week they should spend together be. How often will she continue driving him to work since he has no car. How can we make her grow other friendships besides just this boy without hindering all the growth we have had so far in the past year. These are all areas we’re looking at, to keep us all growing and healthy together as a family.

He’s on a business trip all week and I’m home with the kids. I’m trying to move beyond alll of my fears and anxiety, this is when he used to drink the most and cheat the most. I’m reminding myself it’s different now, he’s sober now, our lives have changed this past year. Or have they…

He hasn’t called at all today and it 10pm, his call last night was only a couple minutes, it leaves me wondering and waiting in anxiety. Though he’s made huge strides into his sobriety, I’m feeling mighty lonely tonight.

The healing of the damage done from an alcoholic takes so long. Sometimes it feels like it will go on forever feeling this way, but eventually God shines the light…. I’m looking for His light and grace tonight, I need it.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.