Boundaries New and Old

With my husband a full blown alcoholic, me trying to work full time, go to school for my masters and raise the kids the best I can in the day to day crazy that comes along with alcoholism, my once innocent little sweet daughter became a dating teenager. The first boy friend dad actually approved of and encouraged the relationship, until it began the teen cycle of only wanting to be with each other and no one else and then teen boy friend girlfriend fighting and breaking up and getting back together, the drama was too much for him.

We overlooked teen sex with the second boy friend, we were both engulfed in this toxic alcoholism that was eating our family from the inside out. We believed we had set rules and boundaries that protected Sally from being in a spot she even had to say no or yes… we were wrong. She came to us because she believed she was pregnant, a month after my husband came home from rehab, so only 2 months sober. She wasn’t but we then locked down all the rules for her until we could decide the correct route to take.

In my anger with Sally at one point I asked her why was it so easy for you to find a pregnancy test but yet all the places that offer free birth control and guidance for teens, you couldn’t fine one of those behind our back… I later realized I should be asking myself this question, why was she more aware of where and how to get a pregnancy test then she was birth control, it’s my job to teach her and I failed her by expecting this child that was living in chaos at home with an alcoholic father, to abstain from sex because I said so, what year am I living in.

After a long process of having her get birth control, discussing decisions with her and still enforcing boundaries and rules, a year later we are all in a better place. Sally thought at first that since now she had birth control there would be no rules for boy friends, but boundaries were still in place. When the second boy broke up with her, it was hard for her and recovery emotionally has been hard especially with COVID and all the rules the states and government has/had. We all made it through and dad is still sober and we are all closer.

Sally has a boy she’s talking to and we are trying to find a balance of where the boundaries are placed to not hinder our growth, but keep a healthy life style fir Madison and her entire world not be wrapped around one guy. As my husband and I navigate through what this looks like, our views are very different and coming to that middle ground is hard at times in this situation.

With Sally being an online student and working, her normal growth as a teen is different right now. She hasn’t always been online, this is new due to the pandemic, but it still has to be addressed so she doesn’t isolate herself again for a boy.

What does the number of days a week they should spend together be. How often will she continue driving him to work since he has no car. How can we make her grow other friendships besides just this boy without hindering all the growth we have had so far in the past year. These are all areas we’re looking at, to keep us all growing and healthy together as a family.